💚Barbara🐮
“But you know 4-H was just so influential and in my life and you know when I had the opportunity to teach other kids younger kids something that I (you know) had mastered- you know that was really that was really great -like I did a lot of that with my beef program- you know my cousins were active- became active in the beef program after we had been. And there's just like so many younger kids that you know that kind of just came up after us -and I did well- right? So I think when you do well, and whatever it is that you're doing and you're open to kind of embracing others to follow you or just to you know- kind of frame it- not egotistically- but to say to them, ‘You can do this too.’”
Please share a little bit about yourself, and a little bit about how you first became involved with 4-H programs.
Sure- My name is Barbara
Connors formerly Barbara Lemaire.
I grew up in West Greenwich Big River watershed area, which you may or may not know about the expense of that- I won't get into that here- but we did have quite a bit of property that we grew up on so some big fields we had animals we had cows and pigs and all sorts of farm animals growing up.
And when we were younger - we had a neighbor, Linda McClintock, who was- lived just a couple miles down the road from us- and her kids were just a couple years older than me and my siblings and she was involved in 4-H and so had approached to my parents about getting us involved since we already had the animals. You know 4-H clubs and of course my mom said yes- (laughter) and thus began our, our 4-H years. I was I think I was seven I think that's when you can join at seven- right? Six or seven - and my first project was with beef cows. I had a little heifer, her name was Ebony- she was born on our farm and she was my first 4-H project.
I learned about animal husbandry and I kept showing beef cows, until I think I was, I think I was 18 when I stopped. So I think I went all the way through the years- so really the animal projects were the basis of our/my 4-H experience. My brothers also participated and they showed oxen and pigs and cows as well. As we got older ofcourse we did other things in 4-H, we branched out into Favorite Foods (Program and Contest**) - so I learned how to cook. You know we did community service- (it) was always a very big you know a foundational part of our club work.
So I was in a couple of different clubs but we always kind of did community service in a variety of different capacities throughout the years and as we got older you know those those experiences changed and as I got into being a teenager of course you know we did some travel trips- I met you- and so many other people on you know in through different facets of 4-H.
So that's where I started how I got started like overview of where I went.
What was it that made you choose to be involved in 4-H as a youth or stay involved with 4-H?
That's a great question- you know our parents have a lot of say in that as well.
I was also involved in school sports my whole youth, I was very very busy and very active in the community- from Sports to Drama Club at school and then 4-H. So my poor mother, right?
She had three kids-four kids- and three of us were involved in 4-H. So I don't even know how she managed to get us to where we needed to be all the time, but you know I loved (4-H)- I loved- once I kind of learn the basics of animal husbandry I loved that program and just you know I love the animals. I really kind of stuck with it, and then older you know my experiences changed and the opportunities to travel with my beef project but also through like the teen groups. And you know, we went to Washington, DC - so it really kind of gave me a taste of traveling and getting to know other people outside of you know my little West Greenwich world and and to travel.
Because you know growing up on a farm and not having a lot of resources, you don't really get to travel that much so I really enjoyed that opportunity and I kind of took anything that came my way.
And I just kind of, you know, just took it and went with it so that's why I kept me interested.
Sara: Excellent and you know building off what you were sharing and connecting to that I think for myself you know especially with both of our moms being involved in in leadership in some ways- the travel aspect really was the thing that as I get older called to me-and also meeting people as you shared- outside of our direct area or like our provincial little town- so to speak- getting to meet people from all over Rhode Island, all over New England, and all over the US - it was really very eye-opening.
Barbara- Yeah.
Sara- And so kind of pivoting from that, you kind of spoke to the other youth organizations that you were involved with, in other sports and in drama.
And so we’re going to kind of do a non-example:
Some young people have experiences in youth organizations where the youth had no active leadership role and leaders lacking a caring approach. In your experience, was 4-H different?
Barbara-Compared to other organizations I belonged to or compared to like if I didn't have that experience?
Sara- Either way you know, part of that is, you know, I think reflecting some of the other organizations we were in- where a lot of… the comes up with some people I know from Girl Scouts, boy scouts and sports i…there's a lot of times in those areas we were vonlun-told to do things- and in 4-H we kind of had more of an opportunity to explore our own project.
However/whatever kind of speaks to you about that question.
Barbara- Yeah I definitely had the volun-told thing many times in 4-H- the crazy thing about that read through my adult life- too -it's like sometimes you don’t always want to do something but you don't find the value in that… until you actually do it. And then you're like so thankful that well y I experienced this- but as a child you know we were definitely voluntold to do a lot of different things- but we just went with it and my parents my mom was just so adamant about getting out of your comfort zone- just like get out there - and just do it- right - cuz you never know what you're going to find that may intrigue you.
You know as far, as like other, other organizations, I've actually been pretty lucky to have been part of, you know, some sports teams that really encouraged me to like just do the best that I could. You know there was some doubts in during those you know different sports teams that I played on like but it didn't really love being there like I was might be first I didn't love to play soccer - but I just played it because like they just needed people-- and so like you know my friends were playing so I played and you know I just did it it didn't excite me but I played.
But I stuck it out because one of the things that my mom really ingrained into our heads was - if you start something, you should finish it. You don’t have to sign up again for the following year- but you know-you know what you start you should finish.
And I ingrain that into my own children as well- I said we just got to, you know, just stick it out- and you know you never know something may change. So it’s really kind of funny- like the things that we learn from our parents in our experience- it's how you know- it’s now reflected on our kid.
I don’t know if I answered your question- I think I've just been super fortunate - actually to be involved in a lot you know with different groups. You know that is my outlook too- I always try to look on the bright side of things-and try to gain something or learn something even if it's not the greatest experience.
Sara: All right well said.
We kind of also talked about this also before- like I said you're really hitting it out of the park so to speak.
So just something to reflect on… and some of these questions came from casual conversations of other 4-H Youth I had run into- and we were, you know, reminiscing and then things that spoke to us thematically from our 4-H experiences and especially in “the sweet spot” (when) 4-H Youth in the mid-1980s to like the mid 1990s (97 or so) ;
In Rhode Island a lot of youth came from rural, urban, and suburban communities and though the youth were from different places and backgrounds- do you feel in your experience that the 4-H leaders and programs fostered a sense of belonging for all the 4-H-ers? You know- and if so how? And- if not-you know-could you share an example?
Sure so you know what I guess what I was younger- we (our 4-H club) were more locally focused- right? So I was kind of in my club we didn't do too much kind of branching out- but as I traveled more you know -getting to know different people is is a real eye-opening experience. You know even though most of the people that I predominantly spent the time with that were different than myself were from a different place were in, you know, the beef cattle industry so I mean that alone is very pigeonholed to a certain demographic. But I still, you know, learned a lot from other people so, you know as I got older and I met other people, more urban people, people of different backgrounds and got to travel with people you know I think the more exposed to- the more you're curious right? So I think I just got more curious as I got exposed to different things. I don’t know if that answers your question.
Sara- I think that's a excellent way to to phrase it- having had connections and meeting people outside of our own little multiverse-so to speak- it does foster that sense of curiosity- as opposed to a fear response- or a you know an uncertainty kind of response- so I it wasn't I think-
Like what you don’t know- you’re scared of- it wasn’t THAT approach- right? Like It was more what you don’t know- ask questions or go hang out. Right? Like that was more of like the feeling that I that do people it wasn't about, “oh they're different than me-I can't go hang out with them”
It was more about- “Oh Hey, I’m so-and-so- what's up?”
Sara- Yes. It was more you know- hey, “Do they call soda… pop? Or soda, or sodapop or do they call it Coke?
B- Exactly-
S- Now we get more of the skill sets and things you know- in your experience, are there any moments here for his experience in which you felt really listened to, supported or you felt seen by an adult leader that stands out in your memory?
B- Oh hey that was a long time ago - I mean absolutely- yes.I mean think about all the awards we won or earned-- and all those moments your 4-H leader is sitting in the back of the room just proud as punch- or your parents- your mom- my dad. Obviously it was really nice to see them- be proud of me- and our leaders I think I mean- did really good job of kind of setting the stage and then letting us grow into our own selves. (And) we kind of organically just did that, right?
Because they gave us like the basic tools and the basic skills to kind of learn how to navigate live and then kind of set us free- unlike you know kids of today. They're so dependent on technology- we had to kind of wing it!
Sara- We had to pick up the phone and cold-call people- “Like- hey would you like to be a guest speaker at our upcoming conference - would you like to donate you know a box of 27 Frozen chickens to the 4-H barbecue? Would you?” You know!
Barbara- Exactly - it’s like- just pick up the phone (and call). Like, let me teach you to swim- and then push you in- you’ll be fine! So funny- great question.
Sara- One of the other folks I talked to called it the 4-H Scaffolding- they gave us the scaffolding and then we just had to hang on and build form there.
-For Sure- hold on- I want to say something- I don't know how old I was- 8 or maybe 10 or 11- when we did Favorite Foods and I made a chicken cordon bleu- I'll never forget it. I was little- and here I’m making chicken cordon bleu. I can’t even imagine my kids making that and they’re at the same age now. They would never dare to make anything like that- and here I was making it all by myself, in front of judges, you know that's -like one silly thing that I just remember- you know?
I don’t know how I placed, but it doesn’t matter- because I made it.
Sara- And those experiences dovetail really nicely into the next question.
How did, you know, in your experience 4-H leaders work with youth to help empower them reach their goals?
You shared a great example go with your chicken cordon bleu - but how did you get there- do you remember your process?
Barbara- I remember practicing at home, like going to club meetings and I don’t remember if we made the whole thing- so we had opportunities to kind of prepare.
So it was kind of an incremental learning experience- you know- which helped cuz everybody wanted everybody wanted all the kids to do well- so I think the leadership did a really nice job in kind of like presenting- “This is what’s coming up- this is what we're going to do to prepare this is when you're going to practice- practice at home, practice at the meeting- practice whenever and then this is the big day- do you have everything?? I mean they didn’t hand feed us- but they certainly gave us guidelines to help be successful.”
Sara- Was Miss McClintock your leader at one time?
Barbara- yeah so Linda was our Leader at Blueberry Patchers, which and then- oh gosh- at the pie booth (at Washington County Fair)
Sara- Which I was going to say I can see the pie booth in my mind so vividly.
Barbara- So that was crazy- so many wonderful people. Anne Stone and Al Stone- oh Linda and so many people in and out of there- part of our lives- it was definitely like a community where everybody took care of everybody's kids right?
Sara- Yeah that's that's a great example and you know it's very much you know my remembrance also like of those times-and I wasn't connected with blueberry patches but I remember helping to fill orders in the the dining hall- I forget what club was doing that- but maybe teens or 4-H All Stars was maybe doing that. And I would take orders and drop them off and you know -and that kind of connects -with our next question. We've kind of asked this a couple of different ways -you know- but:
In your experience was leading and working with youth (um in that particular way) unique to 4-H in your experience? We talked about the scaffolding, we talked about that community vibe- but I’m interested with the idea of working with youth instead of dictating everything kind of everything that you have to do so-
Barbara- SO- I mean compared to my other experiences for each was definitely like once you like learn something and you mastered it right and you it was kind of your responsibility to go on and teach like the younger kids, or kind of like bring them up to speed - or just you know- give them the skills that that you learned from somebody else. So it was a really, like, you know - a pass it down the chain (learning experience.) I was also involved in Girl Scouts-but just for a couple of years - and I know I know they kind of have that same thought process -but depending on the leadership -it really can vary quite a big difference. But you know 4-H was just so influential and in my life and you know when I had the opportunity to teach other kids younger kids something that I you know had mastered- you know that was really that was really great -like I did a lot of that with my beef program- you know my cousins were active in you know became active in the beef program after we had been. And there's just like so many younger kids that you know kind of just came up after us -and I did well- right? So I think when you do well, and whatever it is that you're doing and you're open to kind of embracing others to follow you or just to you know- kind of frame it not egotistically- but to say to them, “You can do this too.”
So you know I had a lot of younger kids from all over New England that you know I would work with, and you know that's just kind of it was expected- I guess- we just did it- and didn't really think twice about it.
Sara- Yeah and you know again like you know you've really kind of spoken to some of these already so again feel it feel free to share as much as little as you want to with this with this next question- you know- in the next question is you know:
In your experience how did Rhode Island 4-H include youth in planning and implementing programs? Would you like to share something that you to planned, or a youth-planned event that you attended that comes to mind?
Barbara- Like when we went to Washington DC- like we did a lot of that planning you know?
I can't remember if we had set up meetings -it's kind of a little bit vague in my memory-
I do remember you know going there. I remember going up to Maine for a Beef Expo and I also remember traveling to Philadelphia for another Beef thing, and I was older at that time- for all those trips. I remember thinking, where are we going-how are we going to get there? I know that we had visited with our State Representatives at the time and you know kind of being involved in that planning and understanding you’re gonna have to dress-
Sara- And how it got it rained- omg- it rained the whole time we were there! Sorry.
Barbara- But that was a fantastic trip. You know I can’t remember if that was my first time to DC or not but it probably would have been my first or one of my very first there.
Sara- so thank you for sharing. you know those types of things really get generating bringing some good memories there,
So here we go here's the here's the ringer question:
In the 4-H Pledge it speaks to clearer thinking, greater loyalty, larger service, and Better Living as goals to bring to your Club community country and the world and their motto includes the “making your best better”- in your experience how did the 4-H programs you lived through foster and support these goals?
Wow, I mean everything we did kind of focused on one of those goals really. AndI think you know thinking about -you know- the pledge now as an adult (because I haven't been active in 4-H in many years) but just like hearing you say that -like- I was like- Oh yeah I know it- my head for clearer thinking, my heart to greater loyalty - you know I know the whole thing still like 30 years later. And you know thinking about that now- I'm like oh wow - like you know everything we did kind of- like that's the foundation of it right? Everything that we did and how important is that to learn as a youth- now that I'm thinking as an adult- thinking as like a much older adult - thinking about my time as a youth and it's like and beyond just my 18-years- my 4-H years- like how does that influence my decisions later in life? Like that's a whole another blog right?
Sara- Yeah yeah yeah- That's so -funny you should say that because one of our final questions and forgive me - did you get the did you get to say what you wanted to share?
B-Yeah yeah- let’s keep going- because that's what really made me think I did all these things- learned so much but you know- it just didn’t-be done with my club and be done with everything- it carries with you for the rest of your life.
S- And that’s kind of where our final two questions go.
Describe how your involvement as a youth in 4-H has impacted who you are as an adult today? And or what is one skill or lesson you’ve learned that has stayed with you?
Let me go with the first question because it really has impacted my life in so many different ways. So when I went off to college- after I graduated high school after I was done with the 4-H program I went up to the upstate New York. And when I was in college you know all of that community service work that I did -pretty much my whole life through 4-H- continued when I was in college. I was a full-time student, I worked part-time and I also did quite a bit of volunteer work on campus and off campus. I was really active in the Rochester Food Not Bombs -which is like it's kind of basically kind of giving food to the homeless- and I got connected through that and then that led to an opportunity to live and work in a homeless shelter for my senior year of college. So I spent my senior year of college living in a homeless shelter- a men's homeless shelter- so that I learned- you can't even imagine how much I learned there- right?
But it was all in the spaces of like you know, giving back to your community, being a part of something that's bigger than you - and then from there you know this whole idea of volunteerism I joined. I became a Peace Corps volunteer. And then I spent two and a half years in West Africa in Guinea- working on agroforestry projects- and the reason I was able to get into that program was because I had all my farm experience right? Growing up on the farm- I wasn't in agriculture but my father was an agroforester, and just you know -knowing how to work in dirt - not being afraid? And- you know- just kind of that “farm life” kind of gave me my ticket to the Peace Corps- and then from there my love of travel exploded, right? You know again stemming from 4-H. I wanted to get you know, my ticket. My ticket around the world was just to kind of, volunteer.
So after my Peace Corps experience I spent a year just hopping around the world like on a shoe string so I was able to see so many different countries and meet so many different kinds of people and experience so many different cultures. Then, when I finally came home from that and this is all connected back to like that basic idea of giving back, right? Just like those the things that I was either voluntold to do or the things that my mom and 4-H had got me involved in- it just kind of set that stage that it's important to give back to your community.
And after my travels I came back to the states- and what I learned from my last for my Peace Corps experience was the value of family -and cuz I have like a small type knit family but we didn't have a big family so it wasn't like a lot of cousins and I didn't have a massive family- but in what in Guinea, family is basically what you have like you everybody's just like this big family and so when I came back to the States the volunteer to take care of my grandmother.
And so I moved in with her in Connecticut so I moved to Connecticut and that's where I met my husband- and yada yada yada- and you know fast forward to today where I live now in Western Massachusetts- in a very small town I’m very active in as an adult in my small town I'm on our Parks and Rec committee. I am on our planning board. I was on our Cultural Council for a couple of years…
So that whole notion of giving back and creating community and teaching others and kind of like making things better -I still you know- it's normal and now I try to instill that into my kids too again being voluntold- but I understand the value of being voluntold-
Sara- there's a certain kind of caring in that- a caring to build off and let folks stretch their wings
You know- broaden their boundaries- broaden their comfort zone- thank you so much for sharing that and from speaking from the heart and your experience. And that’s kind of where this project came from, having like-hearted and likeminded questions and things come up when I was running into other 4-H alumni and just how deeply a lot of us who have continued to be involved in community service or youth development programs or in our communities as community leaders who did transitional things like AmeriCorps or camp with at risk or underserved youth.
In my own experience I pivoted into education and then into mental health advocacy. Which for me was very fulfilling and very cathartic- very underfunded. And then eventually from the work that I had done with that- working in peers who did find a better quality of life- better living skills with their diagnosis- once they got to a stable place- they didn’t have the life skills that financial literacy and adulting skills- independent living skills, that we had through 4-H. Because alot of times those mental health diagnoses exhibit in first adolescent changes at 11 or 12, or in older adolescents 19-22, and so getting them young- so I pivoted into (of all things) financial literacy- and if had ever told me that i’d be teaching financial literacy, career readiness and entrepreneurship with math- I would have called you a liar. But all all paths through 4-H and skill sets as advocacy- and skill sets as caring- and the working title of the project is, “I Pledge My Heart to Greater Caring”
Barbara- that’s so nice- I love that.
And the common thread that stands out for me is how the leaders in our lives- cared about us enough to challenge us and to kind of push those boundaries- and what does caring look like?
A lot of people think it's a hug or a handshake -or you know or wiping a baby's butt -and you know but it's also leading with youth and giving them those skill sets. Introducing them to those skill sets- so they can in turn (like how you know strongly and well that you shared) into giving back to the next group of Youth coming up.
S-Is there anything else you'd like to share that we didn't get to talk about today that or or staircase thoughts that you want to share?
Yeah- you know the leadership that I've had over you know all my 4-H career has been instrumental and monumental and without the caring adults that we had -I think of your mom too -like just wonderful people that you know just introduced us to so many different things and believed in us. And knew that we could do it and gave us the room to explore it on our own- and said okay well maybe that's you know maybe that didn't work out the way you wanted to but let's try this again.
Thank you!
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